May the night be kind to me as I will spend the night alone.
Most of the time being alone means loneliness and fear. I have been through many nights alone and lonely and I think I am on the road of getting used to it.
When I am going through difficult times, I cannot easily share what I am going through with anybody and that consumes me and lonliness sets in. I prefer to be silent to avoid arguments and misunderstandings and further hurt relationships. I have committed that mistake several times in the past and they were very painful. I do not want to hurt the people I love.
I have learn to entrust to God for everything I cannot do. I entrust to Him all my loved ones. I know He will restore all broken relationships and further strengthen whatever we have. I have taken the apostolate to build relationships by simply being me, by my simple presence and little kindness to help them get through the day.
However, if I cannot reach them physically because of distance, was pushed away or I am no longer part of their lives, my prayers will forever take care of them. Being alone gives me more time to pray for everybody. It gives me the freedom to love more beyond distance and learning not to expect love in return because in my deepest loneliness there is somebody who never left me and will never leave me. . . my God who is the source of all love. Because of His love that sustains me, I am sharing His love to everybody.
Tonight, I am alone. Shiela and Yna are spending the night in a resort for a night swimming. My blood pressure is just starting to stabilize but I know my God will watch over me and the night will be kind to me. I am starting to befriend and enjoying the company of myself. See, I am getting comfortable being alone.
Yes, I am alone but deeply in love.
